At bus stop
Me: Where's the stupid bus?
Sun: *glares*
Weird guy: *crosses roed towards bus stop*
Me: This is so sucky.
Bench: Creak.. groan..
Weird guy: *Sits on other end of bench*
Bench: CreAK!
Weird guy's heels: drum drum drum.. drumdrumdrumdrum.. drum drum
Bench pole: *thock* ow. *thock* ow. *thock* Ow. *thock* oW. *thock* OW. *thock* Owwwww..
Me: AHH!! Earthquake! earthquake! quake! ake! ke! e!
Bench: OMGSTOPPITYOUIDIOTAHHH *Thock*OW*thock*ow*thock*OWW
Weird guy: *cranes neck*
Neck: Crick.
Weird guy: *Leans forward*
Bench: *Leans forward*
Me: wuh?
Weird guy: *leans backward*
Bench: *leans backward*
Me: ugh...urh..
Weird guy: *leans backward forward backward forward..*
Bench: I'm getting seasick..
Me: benchsick.
Bench: Want to kick him off.
Me: agreed.
Bus: Rumble rumble. Here I am!
Me: took you long enough. urp..
Bus: get in.
Weird guy: *shakes leg* *scratches head* *drumdrumdrumdrumdrum*
Bench: Ow.ow.ow.owowowowowowowowowowow.
Me: bye.
Bench: you got it easy, girl.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Autobiography of a popcorn
Hello, my name is *. I was a popcorn seed, but i'm not sure what i am now, as i think i'm in popcorn heaven.
I remember when i was celebrating my 1st birthday, a HUGE clanking thing swept down from the sky and completely demolished my house. It wasn't actually demolishing, but my whole house was cut off from it's supports and it flew into the sky, with me and all my siblings clinging onto the sides for dear life. My house was heaped with many of the other houses in the field. It was very squashy, and all the popcorn seeds were afraid of getting bruised.
Later, my house was lifted up and placed in the sun. It was very hot. We were left outside in the sun for very long periods of time, then rotated, so that all sides of the house had an equal dose of the sun. Everyone complained of feeing dried up. I also noticed that, as far as i could see, the popcorn seeds were getting a very nice tan.
What happened next would be etched in my memory forever. It was pure trauma. My house was fed through another clanking machine, and all my siblings were helpless as we were forcefully pried from our houses, no matter how tightly we held on. On the other hand, we were glad we did not manage to stay in our houses once we realised out houses were thrown into a huge fire.
We were then passed along on moving floors, past machine after machine. i think the function of the machines were to dry us up. I must have fainted due to the heat, since my next memory was lying in a tub with many other seeds piled on top of me. I recognised ^, my best friend. He was a few seeds away from me.
'^!' I cried out to him,'how can you be so calm now? What is going to happen to us?'
^ looked at me and replied, '*, there is no need to be so agitated. My mother told me that every popcorn seed goes throug the drying, seasoning and packaging, to be sold to a company called ACT(II) Microwave Foods as instant microwaved popcorn.'
I was stunned. In order for us to reach our prime, this torture was a necessary process to enlighten us and prepare us for our journey in the world! I marvelled at how knowledgable ^ was. I then kept silent, contemplating my future and my place in the universe.
I was jolted out of my thoughts when ^ called to me, '*, i see this tub is marked with a word, can you make out what it says?'
'^, do you realise that there are other popcorn seeds besides me, and my view is blocked by all of them?'
'But *, you're the only one who can read!'
That was quite true. I asked ^ to describe the form of the word.
'A straight line, with a laterally inverted 3 attached to it's right side. A curved line that looks like the bottom end of a sausage. two crosses. a straight line with 3 horizontal lines poking out of its right, at the top, middle, and bottom. And this... a straight line, with a curvy line, and a diagonal line... now how do you describe it..'
I made the word out to be B-U-t-t-E-R. Butter. I see, we're going to be buttered popcorn. Now am i supposed to be happy about that? I announced to the world that we were going to be buttered. I heard some groans of 'High cholestrol'. Then there were frightened squeaks as the tub was tilted and we were poured out onto a large surface.
A long tube sprayed yellow stuff that i concluded was butter onto us. A stick turned and turned and turned and turned us around so much i felt dizzy. But finally all of us were coated with some butter. Around 100 seeds were scooped up and deposited on a white smooth surface. The surface started to move, and i saw that there were many smooth white surfaces, and about 100 seeds were scooped onto each of them. The surfaces started to fold up. We were enveloped in the white thing. All i remember was that it was very dark, but the butter smelt delicious.
Then came the waiting. Sometimes we felt ourselves moving, jolted around, and there were long periods of time when nothing happened. We started to go into hibernation. Day after day, nothing happened! We were bored out of our minds.
Then, one day, we were lifted up and thrown in the air. I felt myself falling down, and involuntarily shrieked. Luckily i was not the only one who shrieked, or i would have made a fool of myself. Another seed hit me on the head and i fainted. Again.
I realised there were heat waves assaulting us from all around. there was no hiding from them this time. A couple of minutes later, i felt like i was going to explode.
There was a scream and a loud Pop. I looked and saw that the white paper that covered us instants ago had expanded, so there was more space now. My little sister seed was the one who had popped. She had turned from a graceful yellow seed into a fluffy white ballon-shaped thing that was really feminine and beautiful. I looked at myself and i realised that i was golden-brown, and quickly advancing to dark brown and black. Then i felt like i was really going to explode.
Then i exploded. It hurt.
But it was worth it! I was beautiful! I had reached my prime! I was a fully grown popcorn!
I was given some time by my Creator to cool down and dissipate the heat that had built up inside me before i popped. The bag was opened. I saw sunlight again, after my many months of imprisonment in the bag. I was picked up by two light-colored fleshy prongs and lifted towards a dark moist hole. A few seconds later, there was a crunch. I think i fainted. AGaiN.
then i was outside a pair of golden gates. They swung open before me, beckoning me to enter. And then i had an offer to write my autobiography, so here i am. Popcorn heaven is really great. There's all a popcorn wants for.
That's all folks, I am going to have a spin on the ferris wheel.
Whee!
I remember when i was celebrating my 1st birthday, a HUGE clanking thing swept down from the sky and completely demolished my house. It wasn't actually demolishing, but my whole house was cut off from it's supports and it flew into the sky, with me and all my siblings clinging onto the sides for dear life. My house was heaped with many of the other houses in the field. It was very squashy, and all the popcorn seeds were afraid of getting bruised.
Later, my house was lifted up and placed in the sun. It was very hot. We were left outside in the sun for very long periods of time, then rotated, so that all sides of the house had an equal dose of the sun. Everyone complained of feeing dried up. I also noticed that, as far as i could see, the popcorn seeds were getting a very nice tan.
What happened next would be etched in my memory forever. It was pure trauma. My house was fed through another clanking machine, and all my siblings were helpless as we were forcefully pried from our houses, no matter how tightly we held on. On the other hand, we were glad we did not manage to stay in our houses once we realised out houses were thrown into a huge fire.
We were then passed along on moving floors, past machine after machine. i think the function of the machines were to dry us up. I must have fainted due to the heat, since my next memory was lying in a tub with many other seeds piled on top of me. I recognised ^, my best friend. He was a few seeds away from me.
'^!' I cried out to him,'how can you be so calm now? What is going to happen to us?'
^ looked at me and replied, '*, there is no need to be so agitated. My mother told me that every popcorn seed goes throug the drying, seasoning and packaging, to be sold to a company called ACT(II) Microwave Foods as instant microwaved popcorn.'
I was stunned. In order for us to reach our prime, this torture was a necessary process to enlighten us and prepare us for our journey in the world! I marvelled at how knowledgable ^ was. I then kept silent, contemplating my future and my place in the universe.
I was jolted out of my thoughts when ^ called to me, '*, i see this tub is marked with a word, can you make out what it says?'
'^, do you realise that there are other popcorn seeds besides me, and my view is blocked by all of them?'
'But *, you're the only one who can read!'
That was quite true. I asked ^ to describe the form of the word.
'A straight line, with a laterally inverted 3 attached to it's right side. A curved line that looks like the bottom end of a sausage. two crosses. a straight line with 3 horizontal lines poking out of its right, at the top, middle, and bottom. And this... a straight line, with a curvy line, and a diagonal line... now how do you describe it..'
I made the word out to be B-U-t-t-E-R. Butter. I see, we're going to be buttered popcorn. Now am i supposed to be happy about that? I announced to the world that we were going to be buttered. I heard some groans of 'High cholestrol'. Then there were frightened squeaks as the tub was tilted and we were poured out onto a large surface.
A long tube sprayed yellow stuff that i concluded was butter onto us. A stick turned and turned and turned and turned us around so much i felt dizzy. But finally all of us were coated with some butter. Around 100 seeds were scooped up and deposited on a white smooth surface. The surface started to move, and i saw that there were many smooth white surfaces, and about 100 seeds were scooped onto each of them. The surfaces started to fold up. We were enveloped in the white thing. All i remember was that it was very dark, but the butter smelt delicious.
Then came the waiting. Sometimes we felt ourselves moving, jolted around, and there were long periods of time when nothing happened. We started to go into hibernation. Day after day, nothing happened! We were bored out of our minds.
Then, one day, we were lifted up and thrown in the air. I felt myself falling down, and involuntarily shrieked. Luckily i was not the only one who shrieked, or i would have made a fool of myself. Another seed hit me on the head and i fainted. Again.
I realised there were heat waves assaulting us from all around. there was no hiding from them this time. A couple of minutes later, i felt like i was going to explode.
There was a scream and a loud Pop. I looked and saw that the white paper that covered us instants ago had expanded, so there was more space now. My little sister seed was the one who had popped. She had turned from a graceful yellow seed into a fluffy white ballon-shaped thing that was really feminine and beautiful. I looked at myself and i realised that i was golden-brown, and quickly advancing to dark brown and black. Then i felt like i was really going to explode.
Then i exploded. It hurt.
But it was worth it! I was beautiful! I had reached my prime! I was a fully grown popcorn!
I was given some time by my Creator to cool down and dissipate the heat that had built up inside me before i popped. The bag was opened. I saw sunlight again, after my many months of imprisonment in the bag. I was picked up by two light-colored fleshy prongs and lifted towards a dark moist hole. A few seconds later, there was a crunch. I think i fainted. AGaiN.
then i was outside a pair of golden gates. They swung open before me, beckoning me to enter. And then i had an offer to write my autobiography, so here i am. Popcorn heaven is really great. There's all a popcorn wants for.
That's all folks, I am going to have a spin on the ferris wheel.
Whee!
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
The day we recieved our results...
River Valley High School auditorium was filled with pupils wearing ankle socks, holding various models of handphones, and some couples could be seen holding hands and whispering conspirationally to each other. Girls gathered around each other talking excitedly, boys were gathered around the girls and shouting at each other. Near the stage, Mrs Look was.. smiling.
'Looook at them, so excited to be back. We'll see if they can be as spirited when they get their results back, uhh..'she grunted to nobody in particular.
A few students from 4A heard her and looked very indignant
With her gaze still fixed on a particularly good looking boy, she tilted her head towards where she supposed the Principal was and said, 'I think we can start now, Miss Ek... Miss ek?...Ek arh, where are you?'
The 4A pupils tittered.
A few meters away, Miss EK waddled out of the teachers' toilet and grunted her assent to Mr Ong, who happened to be drinking from the water cooler because his experiment to create water from thin air failed miserably. Very surprised that the Great and Revered Miss EK would care to speak to him, Mr Ong accidentally acted like a whale in his haste to express his heartfelt compliance. He then apologised profusely, sweating due to his nervousness. Suddenly he froze. How could he have forgotten!
Everyone present and tall enough were very much entertained by the sight of Mr Ong jerking towards the auditorium, his short little legs pedalling for all he was worth, his chubby round body wobbling like a bowl of jelly, arms flailing about, his face red and contorted, mouth puckered up, and finally unleashing a howl so terrible that the flowers nearby wilted...
'Meesus LooK!! Mees Eggk say Go Ahead!!'
The unfortunate spectators near to him had to wipe his spittle off themselves.
Mrs Look was most alarmed to see a soddy maroon ball roaring towards her. With startling speed and gracelessness, she clambered onto the stage. The students saw a flash of pink and roared.
Miss Ek had just managed to free herself from the unrelenting grip of the narrow stairway leading up to the stage when she decided she had enough. She grabbed for the microphone and somehow managed to overbalance. And she shrieked.
Her shriek transversed through the microphone... the amplifier... got rejected by the loudspeaker, got amplified again, rejected, amplified, rejected...till it finally burst through the loudspeaker as a disembodied blaring screech. It succeeded in making all the living things cover their ears, including the grass, flowers, ants... thus causing complete silence in the whole school compound. (The HDB blocks nearby went silent too.)
The silence was broken by birds hitting the ground.
'Looook at them, so excited to be back. We'll see if they can be as spirited when they get their results back, uhh..'she grunted to nobody in particular.
A few students from 4A heard her and looked very indignant
With her gaze still fixed on a particularly good looking boy, she tilted her head towards where she supposed the Principal was and said, 'I think we can start now, Miss Ek... Miss ek?...Ek arh, where are you?'
The 4A pupils tittered.
A few meters away, Miss EK waddled out of the teachers' toilet and grunted her assent to Mr Ong, who happened to be drinking from the water cooler because his experiment to create water from thin air failed miserably. Very surprised that the Great and Revered Miss EK would care to speak to him, Mr Ong accidentally acted like a whale in his haste to express his heartfelt compliance. He then apologised profusely, sweating due to his nervousness. Suddenly he froze. How could he have forgotten!
Everyone present and tall enough were very much entertained by the sight of Mr Ong jerking towards the auditorium, his short little legs pedalling for all he was worth, his chubby round body wobbling like a bowl of jelly, arms flailing about, his face red and contorted, mouth puckered up, and finally unleashing a howl so terrible that the flowers nearby wilted...
The unfortunate spectators near to him had to wipe his spittle off themselves.
Mrs Look was most alarmed to see a soddy maroon ball roaring towards her. With startling speed and gracelessness, she clambered onto the stage. The students saw a flash of pink and roared.
Miss Ek had just managed to free herself from the unrelenting grip of the narrow stairway leading up to the stage when she decided she had enough. She grabbed for the microphone and somehow managed to overbalance. And she shrieked.
Her shriek transversed through the microphone... the amplifier... got rejected by the loudspeaker, got amplified again, rejected, amplified, rejected...till it finally burst through the loudspeaker as a disembodied blaring screech. It succeeded in making all the living things cover their ears, including the grass, flowers, ants... thus causing complete silence in the whole school compound. (The HDB blocks nearby went silent too.)
The silence was broken by birds hitting the ground.