Day one
*sniff* What's that smell? Oh, it's fresh paint on me. In..teresting. I'm shiny, beautiful, clean, but there's this irritating corny design of green and white things painted on me. Dunno what that is, but the Cadbury ride says that I'm the Milo ride. Milo? What kind of name is that?
Day two
People are getting on all the other rides but I remain roped off from the public. Whywhywhy? I'm so darn bored.
Day three
The maintanence guy told me I'd be open tomorrow. He says it's very important and the president (whatever that is) will come to my opening ceremony. Ha! I always knew I was better than those crummy pink bumper cars.
Day four
It's been a really great day! There was so many people and balloons and ribbons. They were all cheering for me! If only I had enough hands I'd give them all autographs. Unfortunately, I don't have any.
Day five
First day of service. Feels real great to be running along on those metal tracks. However the loops make me nauseous. They sure make the riders nauseous too. A boy threw up in my fifteenth compartment... occupational hazard.
Day six
Some asshole had a thick felt-tip marker and scribbled on me. I wouldn't mind if he cancled out the corny design, but he drew a speech bubble for the people and now they appear to be very learned in vulgarities. Also, the foreman ignored me when I told him popcorn should be outlawed, which resulted in a nest of ants in my third compartment. I didn't know ants breed so fast.
Day seven
Rainy day. Drenched people still rode me even though I tried my best to persuade them not to; they said being wet makes it colder and that makes it funner. Is funner even a word? I nearly suffer a heart attack everytime I'm at the very top of the slide downwards because the tracks are so wet.
Day eight, nine, ten
Same same. Things are starting to get boring. I can't believe my paint is starting to flake. Must be cheap stuff.
Day eleven
Yes, the maintanence guy said the paint was cheap stuff. Five cents per litre.
Day fourteen
It's been two weeks and it seems like two decades. Everything is the same everyday. However today I had a can of coke poured down my neck and man is it sticky! I hope I won't rust.
Day fifteen
I won't rust because those ants are very happy.
One month
Oh, a new fat guy with orange bushy hair and red circular cheeks and huge red shoes and an eternally smiling face has come to this world and seems intent on making people part with their money, even resorting to low down methods like folding some colorful rubbery stuff and demanding money in exchange for those ridiculously simple designs.
One month and a week
I think that fat guy is here to stay. The ants like him. I'm getting dirtier. Nobody bothers to wash me.
*Time passes*
One year
It's my birthday. Happy, happy birthday, lonely, lonely bithday...
One year and a day
Nice belated birthday surprise. The rides around me (crummy pink bumper cars included) sang me a birthday song. They didn't sing their birthday songs even once in that whole year and I found that it was because theirs is on 29 Febuary.
Two years
I bored. Command of english dropping. Too long no blog.
Three years.
Horrible life. Why was i borned?
Three point five years
I want my mummy. She's in heaven.
Three point seven five years
Horrible.
Four years
Terrible.
Four point five years
Vegetable.
Five years
I wanna die.
Six years
Me gonna be scrapped i think. So old.
Seven years
Yay. Scrapped in three more years.
Seven years and one day
Kill me.
Seven point five years
.
Eight years
I'm going to commit suicide tomorrow. Had enough of people.
Eight years and one day
Some guy dropped a key into my gears. yay. i'm on my way... lalala...
Eight years and two days
Happened too soon!! One compartment fell off.. before that, the maintainence guy managed to save a girl from being crushed by it by pushing her out of the way, but he got crushexd. Feel so guilty. Am SORRY!!! SORRY!!! Don't strike me with lightning please!!!
Eight years and three days
Boss decided to save money by scrapping me. Bye, world. P.s. I'M SORRY!!!
Eight years and four days
It's my last day. The scrapper guy found the wireless bluetooth thingy that I picked off a guy that I use to blog. I'm typing as fast as I can now cos' this is the last few seconds of my life and i'll really miss you guys and i bb
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
The Lonely Banana
Aagh. Why does it seem that almost all my inspiration comes from food? Yes they're cute... but bananas and popcorn? I wanted to write one about a watermelon going steady with a starfruit.
Once upon a time, there lived a bunch of bananas in the bananahouse. The banana bunch was made up of five members: grandpa banana, mama banana, papa banana, rotten banana and runty banana. Grandma banana had been eaten by a hungry dog.
At the same time, there lived the Noodle family in the noodlehouse. They were Dongfen, Guotiao, Meepok, Miantiao and Meetaibak. Dongfen and Guotiao had broken tradition and married because they fell in love. (Actually, this does nothing much to the story and so you can forget about it.) They decided to name their off-noodles (you know offspring?) with names beginning with 'M' to carry on the legacy of the (in)famous 4MuahChee'04 of RVHS.
There was also the Nut family and they lived in the nuthouse. There was a Cashewnut, a Macadiamanut, Roastednut, and Nuttynut. Groundnut not counted.
Groundnut had been disowned after he baceme so very obsessed with Voldemort of Harry Potter fame, and had done things to make himself as awful as Voldemort did. He invented the peanut crusher and peanut butter, for one. And not only did he make things difficult for all the nuts in the world, Groundnut called leigions of weirdos to be loyal to him and be his armies. Those monsters were called Housewives. The Housewives somehow could foodnap any and every kind of food they want to, and torture the food to death by slicing and dicing them up, finally eating them or cooking them.
One day, the Housewives blew down the wall of the bananahouse and grabbed the bunch of bananas. They ignored the pathetic screams and cries of the bananas and brought them to the market to be sold to other less proficient housewives. However as runty banana was, as his name suggests, very small, he was overlooked and left in his room, unhurt and as dumb as before. From then on, grandpa banana, mama banana, papa banana and rotten banana were MIA, and runty banana was known as The Banana Who Lived. Regrettably, bananas were not very creative.
The next day, Hurricane Wantonmee struck. Guotiao, Meepok and Miantiao were blown away and it was believed they landed in hot soup. Meetaibak was young and energetic and brave enough to stand up to Hurricane Wantonmee, and he told the Hurricane that basically, Meetaibak is not used as an ingredient in wanton mee, period. On the other hand, old and amnesic Dongfen forgot himself and started line dancing, straining his heart and he died of a heart attack.
Once upon a time, there lived a bunch of bananas in the bananahouse. The banana bunch was made up of five members: grandpa banana, mama banana, papa banana, rotten banana and runty banana. Grandma banana had been eaten by a hungry dog.
At the same time, there lived the Noodle family in the noodlehouse. They were Dongfen, Guotiao, Meepok, Miantiao and Meetaibak. Dongfen and Guotiao had broken tradition and married because they fell in love. (Actually, this does nothing much to the story and so you can forget about it.) They decided to name their off-noodles (you know offspring?) with names beginning with 'M' to carry on the legacy of the (in)famous 4MuahChee'04 of RVHS.
There was also the Nut family and they lived in the nuthouse. There was a Cashewnut, a Macadiamanut, Roastednut, and Nuttynut. Groundnut not counted.
Groundnut had been disowned after he baceme so very obsessed with Voldemort of Harry Potter fame, and had done things to make himself as awful as Voldemort did. He invented the peanut crusher and peanut butter, for one. And not only did he make things difficult for all the nuts in the world, Groundnut called leigions of weirdos to be loyal to him and be his armies. Those monsters were called Housewives. The Housewives somehow could foodnap any and every kind of food they want to, and torture the food to death by slicing and dicing them up, finally eating them or cooking them.
One day, the Housewives blew down the wall of the bananahouse and grabbed the bunch of bananas. They ignored the pathetic screams and cries of the bananas and brought them to the market to be sold to other less proficient housewives. However as runty banana was, as his name suggests, very small, he was overlooked and left in his room, unhurt and as dumb as before. From then on, grandpa banana, mama banana, papa banana and rotten banana were MIA, and runty banana was known as The Banana Who Lived. Regrettably, bananas were not very creative.
The next day, Hurricane Wantonmee struck. Guotiao, Meepok and Miantiao were blown away and it was believed they landed in hot soup. Meetaibak was young and energetic and brave enough to stand up to Hurricane Wantonmee, and he told the Hurricane that basically, Meetaibak is not used as an ingredient in wanton mee, period. On the other hand, old and amnesic Dongfen forgot himself and started line dancing, straining his heart and he died of a heart attack.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Graduation Day Speech 4M
United, creative and fun. These are the words used to describe our class. Formed in 2003, our class consists of 23 individuals, each with their unique personalities. After spending two years together, we have come together and developed what we call the Muah Chee spirit: our unity that lets us come together during times of need and work together to overcome difficulties.
We will always remember the collective effort put in by every member of the class during the inter-class fundraising basketball tournament. Despite our playful nature, everybody pitched in and made it a noteworthy success. We also got third for the dance competition during the sec 3 camp.
We really enjoyed our time together and will always cherish the moments we spent in each others' company. Howeve, all good things must come to an end, and sadly, we cannot be together forever.
We would like to thank the teachersfor all their ceaseless efforts in educating us. We are eternally grateful to them for aiding us in times of need, and not giving up on us even when we lost hope.
We will always remember the collective effort put in by every member of the class during the inter-class fundraising basketball tournament. Despite our playful nature, everybody pitched in and made it a noteworthy success. We also got third for the dance competition during the sec 3 camp.
We really enjoyed our time together and will always cherish the moments we spent in each others' company. Howeve, all good things must come to an end, and sadly, we cannot be together forever.
We would like to thank the teachersfor all their ceaseless efforts in educating us. We are eternally grateful to them for aiding us in times of need, and not giving up on us even when we lost hope.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Crushed
"Meiyan, who do you like? Say leh say leh..."
"Nobody," Meiyan shook her head, "really."
Meiyan's friends always found it weird that she did not have a crush on anybody. They always thought she was lying, but Meiyan was proud of herself for not taking likings of any boy. The thought of girls going all red and giggly whenever their guys walk by made her shudder. Furthermore, she thought most of the boys childish.
Having a rather traumatic childhood, Meiyan grew to be introverted and could understand people very well. She was observant, and could sit alone thinking for hours on end. It was hard for her to trust people, but if that trust was betrayed, it could very well be the end of that relationship.
In school, Meiyan looked up to people with charismatic and outgoing personalities, and admired people who could make friends easily. That year, she made the aquaintence of two boys whom she particularly admired. Weiquan was quiet and easygoing and did not loose his temper easily, while Chuanjie was very friendly, though a little hyperactive, and could make the fiercest teacher laugh. Her friends would tease her about them, but she always brushed them aside, saying that she admired them, that's all.
Slowly, she grew to like Weiquan. Meiyan kept telling herself that it was not possible, and she should keep her slate clean, and sometimes she managed to stop thinking about him. One day, still celebrating the thought of her getting over Weiquan, there was the rumour of him liking an upper secondary girl. And when Weiquan admitted it, there was a sinking feeling in her heart, and she couldn't help feeling left out and sad. For days afterward, she would still give herself mental slaps for forgetting herself and liking someone.
Mental slaps could not quell nor supress teens' raging hormones, for Meiyan found herself falling for Chuanjie some months later. She kept scolding herself, but when Chuanjie had a crush on his junior, it hurt. And when he announced that he had given up, Meiyan found some excuse to celebrate. In the meantime, she had become Chuanjie's friend. He chatted with her online, and shared his worries and all with her. Then, he confided to her that he had got a girlfriend. She was shocked, for she did not think he would have gotten a girlfriend at all. She was even more stunned when he revealed that the girl was a very junior junior, and that Meiyan was the first few people to know about it. Hurt twice by Chuanjie, although unknowingly, Meiyan was aghast. She went on to scold and beat herself, mentally of course, and swore to go on a fruit diet, for the sake of having something to do.
Three months later, she was spotted by a talent scout for her great figure like a peanut, as well as her singing talent, and went on to become a superstar by the age of 20. Sadly, she was crushed by a giant watermelon which fell from giantland while she was performing during a charity concert, where Chuanjie and Weiquan, both corprate partners, were the hosts.
"Nobody," Meiyan shook her head, "really."
Meiyan's friends always found it weird that she did not have a crush on anybody. They always thought she was lying, but Meiyan was proud of herself for not taking likings of any boy. The thought of girls going all red and giggly whenever their guys walk by made her shudder. Furthermore, she thought most of the boys childish.
Having a rather traumatic childhood, Meiyan grew to be introverted and could understand people very well. She was observant, and could sit alone thinking for hours on end. It was hard for her to trust people, but if that trust was betrayed, it could very well be the end of that relationship.
In school, Meiyan looked up to people with charismatic and outgoing personalities, and admired people who could make friends easily. That year, she made the aquaintence of two boys whom she particularly admired. Weiquan was quiet and easygoing and did not loose his temper easily, while Chuanjie was very friendly, though a little hyperactive, and could make the fiercest teacher laugh. Her friends would tease her about them, but she always brushed them aside, saying that she admired them, that's all.
Slowly, she grew to like Weiquan. Meiyan kept telling herself that it was not possible, and she should keep her slate clean, and sometimes she managed to stop thinking about him. One day, still celebrating the thought of her getting over Weiquan, there was the rumour of him liking an upper secondary girl. And when Weiquan admitted it, there was a sinking feeling in her heart, and she couldn't help feeling left out and sad. For days afterward, she would still give herself mental slaps for forgetting herself and liking someone.
Mental slaps could not quell nor supress teens' raging hormones, for Meiyan found herself falling for Chuanjie some months later. She kept scolding herself, but when Chuanjie had a crush on his junior, it hurt. And when he announced that he had given up, Meiyan found some excuse to celebrate. In the meantime, she had become Chuanjie's friend. He chatted with her online, and shared his worries and all with her. Then, he confided to her that he had got a girlfriend. She was shocked, for she did not think he would have gotten a girlfriend at all. She was even more stunned when he revealed that the girl was a very junior junior, and that Meiyan was the first few people to know about it. Hurt twice by Chuanjie, although unknowingly, Meiyan was aghast. She went on to scold and beat herself, mentally of course, and swore to go on a fruit diet, for the sake of having something to do.
Three months later, she was spotted by a talent scout for her great figure like a peanut, as well as her singing talent, and went on to become a superstar by the age of 20. Sadly, she was crushed by a giant watermelon which fell from giantland while she was performing during a charity concert, where Chuanjie and Weiquan, both corprate partners, were the hosts.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Down by the RV (inspired by elves singing in LOTR)
Tra la la lally
down by the RV
the wind is so windy
the doors slam ~kabloomy
Dee die do diddly
everyone's face so frowny
the teacher's so sucky
and the paper's a teasy
Tra la la lally
down by the RV
Fee fie fo phooey
there in the audi
the kiddies so clappy
the MC so snappy
the VP so crappy
the talks are not peppy
makes us want some candy
Tree trilly trally
the books are so trashy
the ppt so funny
the atoms so atomy
my pen so leaky
the principal's so freaky
Tree trilly trally
down by the RV
P.s This and the 'But who says rv sucks' was written during chem common test after i finished my paper in half an hour. =D
down by the RV
the wind is so windy
the doors slam ~kabloomy
Dee die do diddly
everyone's face so frowny
the teacher's so sucky
and the paper's a teasy
Tra la la lally
down by the RV
Fee fie fo phooey
there in the audi
the kiddies so clappy
the MC so snappy
the VP so crappy
the talks are not peppy
makes us want some candy
Tree trilly trally
the books are so trashy
the ppt so funny
the atoms so atomy
my pen so leaky
the principal's so freaky
Tree trilly trally
down by the RV
P.s This and the 'But who says rv sucks' was written during chem common test after i finished my paper in half an hour. =D
Friday, July 02, 2004
But who says RV sucks?
The three gates creak, the ceiling leaks
But who says RV sucks?
There's no fresh air nor maidens fair
But who says RV sucks?
The guys are geeky and the girls are freaky
But who says RV sucks?
The sec ones are shrimps while the sec fours stink
But who says RV sucks?
The canteen is pink while the markers have no ink
But who says RV sucks?
The VP is a pimp and the P can't think
But who says RV sucks?
The desks are scratched and the chairs are thatched
But who says RV sucks?
The flushes in the toilets they held a strike
But who says RV sucks?
The nightwatchman is a guy with a pike
But who says RV sucks?
Phantoms scare the maidens fair
But who says RV sucks?
The teachers mostly are huge buffoons
But who says RV sucks?
Blue light flashes and ghosts hold bashes
But who says RV sucks?
Who says RV sucks?
Who?
Who?
^5!!
But who says RV sucks?
There's no fresh air nor maidens fair
But who says RV sucks?
The guys are geeky and the girls are freaky
But who says RV sucks?
The sec ones are shrimps while the sec fours stink
But who says RV sucks?
The canteen is pink while the markers have no ink
But who says RV sucks?
The VP is a pimp and the P can't think
But who says RV sucks?
The desks are scratched and the chairs are thatched
But who says RV sucks?
The flushes in the toilets they held a strike
But who says RV sucks?
The nightwatchman is a guy with a pike
But who says RV sucks?
Phantoms scare the maidens fair
But who says RV sucks?
The teachers mostly are huge buffoons
But who says RV sucks?
Blue light flashes and ghosts hold bashes
But who says RV sucks?
Who says RV sucks?
Who?
Who?
^5!!
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
5 Minute Skit
At bus stop
Me: Where's the stupid bus?
Sun: *glares*
Weird guy: *crosses roed towards bus stop*
Me: This is so sucky.
Bench: Creak.. groan..
Weird guy: *Sits on other end of bench*
Bench: CreAK!
Weird guy's heels: drum drum drum.. drumdrumdrumdrum.. drum drum
Bench pole: *thock* ow. *thock* ow. *thock* Ow. *thock* oW. *thock* OW. *thock* Owwwww..
Me: AHH!! Earthquake! earthquake! quake! ake! ke! e!
Bench: OMGSTOPPITYOUIDIOTAHHH *Thock*OW*thock*ow*thock*OWW
Weird guy: *cranes neck*
Neck: Crick.
Weird guy: *Leans forward*
Bench: *Leans forward*
Me: wuh?
Weird guy: *leans backward*
Bench: *leans backward*
Me: ugh...urh..
Weird guy: *leans backward forward backward forward..*
Bench: I'm getting seasick..
Me: benchsick.
Bench: Want to kick him off.
Me: agreed.
Bus: Rumble rumble. Here I am!
Me: took you long enough. urp..
Bus: get in.
Weird guy: *shakes leg* *scratches head* *drumdrumdrumdrumdrum*
Bench: Ow.ow.ow.owowowowowowowowowowow.
Me: bye.
Bench: you got it easy, girl.
Me: Where's the stupid bus?
Sun: *glares*
Weird guy: *crosses roed towards bus stop*
Me: This is so sucky.
Bench: Creak.. groan..
Weird guy: *Sits on other end of bench*
Bench: CreAK!
Weird guy's heels: drum drum drum.. drumdrumdrumdrum.. drum drum
Bench pole: *thock* ow. *thock* ow. *thock* Ow. *thock* oW. *thock* OW. *thock* Owwwww..
Me: AHH!! Earthquake! earthquake! quake! ake! ke! e!
Bench: OMGSTOPPITYOUIDIOTAHHH *Thock*OW*thock*ow*thock*OWW
Weird guy: *cranes neck*
Neck: Crick.
Weird guy: *Leans forward*
Bench: *Leans forward*
Me: wuh?
Weird guy: *leans backward*
Bench: *leans backward*
Me: ugh...urh..
Weird guy: *leans backward forward backward forward..*
Bench: I'm getting seasick..
Me: benchsick.
Bench: Want to kick him off.
Me: agreed.
Bus: Rumble rumble. Here I am!
Me: took you long enough. urp..
Bus: get in.
Weird guy: *shakes leg* *scratches head* *drumdrumdrumdrumdrum*
Bench: Ow.ow.ow.owowowowowowowowowowow.
Me: bye.
Bench: you got it easy, girl.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Autobiography of a popcorn
Hello, my name is *. I was a popcorn seed, but i'm not sure what i am now, as i think i'm in popcorn heaven.
I remember when i was celebrating my 1st birthday, a HUGE clanking thing swept down from the sky and completely demolished my house. It wasn't actually demolishing, but my whole house was cut off from it's supports and it flew into the sky, with me and all my siblings clinging onto the sides for dear life. My house was heaped with many of the other houses in the field. It was very squashy, and all the popcorn seeds were afraid of getting bruised.
Later, my house was lifted up and placed in the sun. It was very hot. We were left outside in the sun for very long periods of time, then rotated, so that all sides of the house had an equal dose of the sun. Everyone complained of feeing dried up. I also noticed that, as far as i could see, the popcorn seeds were getting a very nice tan.
What happened next would be etched in my memory forever. It was pure trauma. My house was fed through another clanking machine, and all my siblings were helpless as we were forcefully pried from our houses, no matter how tightly we held on. On the other hand, we were glad we did not manage to stay in our houses once we realised out houses were thrown into a huge fire.
We were then passed along on moving floors, past machine after machine. i think the function of the machines were to dry us up. I must have fainted due to the heat, since my next memory was lying in a tub with many other seeds piled on top of me. I recognised ^, my best friend. He was a few seeds away from me.
'^!' I cried out to him,'how can you be so calm now? What is going to happen to us?'
^ looked at me and replied, '*, there is no need to be so agitated. My mother told me that every popcorn seed goes throug the drying, seasoning and packaging, to be sold to a company called ACT(II) Microwave Foods as instant microwaved popcorn.'
I was stunned. In order for us to reach our prime, this torture was a necessary process to enlighten us and prepare us for our journey in the world! I marvelled at how knowledgable ^ was. I then kept silent, contemplating my future and my place in the universe.
I was jolted out of my thoughts when ^ called to me, '*, i see this tub is marked with a word, can you make out what it says?'
'^, do you realise that there are other popcorn seeds besides me, and my view is blocked by all of them?'
'But *, you're the only one who can read!'
That was quite true. I asked ^ to describe the form of the word.
'A straight line, with a laterally inverted 3 attached to it's right side. A curved line that looks like the bottom end of a sausage. two crosses. a straight line with 3 horizontal lines poking out of its right, at the top, middle, and bottom. And this... a straight line, with a curvy line, and a diagonal line... now how do you describe it..'
I made the word out to be B-U-t-t-E-R. Butter. I see, we're going to be buttered popcorn. Now am i supposed to be happy about that? I announced to the world that we were going to be buttered. I heard some groans of 'High cholestrol'. Then there were frightened squeaks as the tub was tilted and we were poured out onto a large surface.
A long tube sprayed yellow stuff that i concluded was butter onto us. A stick turned and turned and turned and turned us around so much i felt dizzy. But finally all of us were coated with some butter. Around 100 seeds were scooped up and deposited on a white smooth surface. The surface started to move, and i saw that there were many smooth white surfaces, and about 100 seeds were scooped onto each of them. The surfaces started to fold up. We were enveloped in the white thing. All i remember was that it was very dark, but the butter smelt delicious.
Then came the waiting. Sometimes we felt ourselves moving, jolted around, and there were long periods of time when nothing happened. We started to go into hibernation. Day after day, nothing happened! We were bored out of our minds.
Then, one day, we were lifted up and thrown in the air. I felt myself falling down, and involuntarily shrieked. Luckily i was not the only one who shrieked, or i would have made a fool of myself. Another seed hit me on the head and i fainted. Again.
I realised there were heat waves assaulting us from all around. there was no hiding from them this time. A couple of minutes later, i felt like i was going to explode.
There was a scream and a loud Pop. I looked and saw that the white paper that covered us instants ago had expanded, so there was more space now. My little sister seed was the one who had popped. She had turned from a graceful yellow seed into a fluffy white ballon-shaped thing that was really feminine and beautiful. I looked at myself and i realised that i was golden-brown, and quickly advancing to dark brown and black. Then i felt like i was really going to explode.
Then i exploded. It hurt.
But it was worth it! I was beautiful! I had reached my prime! I was a fully grown popcorn!
I was given some time by my Creator to cool down and dissipate the heat that had built up inside me before i popped. The bag was opened. I saw sunlight again, after my many months of imprisonment in the bag. I was picked up by two light-colored fleshy prongs and lifted towards a dark moist hole. A few seconds later, there was a crunch. I think i fainted. AGaiN.
then i was outside a pair of golden gates. They swung open before me, beckoning me to enter. And then i had an offer to write my autobiography, so here i am. Popcorn heaven is really great. There's all a popcorn wants for.
That's all folks, I am going to have a spin on the ferris wheel.
Whee!
I remember when i was celebrating my 1st birthday, a HUGE clanking thing swept down from the sky and completely demolished my house. It wasn't actually demolishing, but my whole house was cut off from it's supports and it flew into the sky, with me and all my siblings clinging onto the sides for dear life. My house was heaped with many of the other houses in the field. It was very squashy, and all the popcorn seeds were afraid of getting bruised.
Later, my house was lifted up and placed in the sun. It was very hot. We were left outside in the sun for very long periods of time, then rotated, so that all sides of the house had an equal dose of the sun. Everyone complained of feeing dried up. I also noticed that, as far as i could see, the popcorn seeds were getting a very nice tan.
What happened next would be etched in my memory forever. It was pure trauma. My house was fed through another clanking machine, and all my siblings were helpless as we were forcefully pried from our houses, no matter how tightly we held on. On the other hand, we were glad we did not manage to stay in our houses once we realised out houses were thrown into a huge fire.
We were then passed along on moving floors, past machine after machine. i think the function of the machines were to dry us up. I must have fainted due to the heat, since my next memory was lying in a tub with many other seeds piled on top of me. I recognised ^, my best friend. He was a few seeds away from me.
'^!' I cried out to him,'how can you be so calm now? What is going to happen to us?'
^ looked at me and replied, '*, there is no need to be so agitated. My mother told me that every popcorn seed goes throug the drying, seasoning and packaging, to be sold to a company called ACT(II) Microwave Foods as instant microwaved popcorn.'
I was stunned. In order for us to reach our prime, this torture was a necessary process to enlighten us and prepare us for our journey in the world! I marvelled at how knowledgable ^ was. I then kept silent, contemplating my future and my place in the universe.
I was jolted out of my thoughts when ^ called to me, '*, i see this tub is marked with a word, can you make out what it says?'
'^, do you realise that there are other popcorn seeds besides me, and my view is blocked by all of them?'
'But *, you're the only one who can read!'
That was quite true. I asked ^ to describe the form of the word.
'A straight line, with a laterally inverted 3 attached to it's right side. A curved line that looks like the bottom end of a sausage. two crosses. a straight line with 3 horizontal lines poking out of its right, at the top, middle, and bottom. And this... a straight line, with a curvy line, and a diagonal line... now how do you describe it..'
I made the word out to be B-U-t-t-E-R. Butter. I see, we're going to be buttered popcorn. Now am i supposed to be happy about that? I announced to the world that we were going to be buttered. I heard some groans of 'High cholestrol'. Then there were frightened squeaks as the tub was tilted and we were poured out onto a large surface.
A long tube sprayed yellow stuff that i concluded was butter onto us. A stick turned and turned and turned and turned us around so much i felt dizzy. But finally all of us were coated with some butter. Around 100 seeds were scooped up and deposited on a white smooth surface. The surface started to move, and i saw that there were many smooth white surfaces, and about 100 seeds were scooped onto each of them. The surfaces started to fold up. We were enveloped in the white thing. All i remember was that it was very dark, but the butter smelt delicious.
Then came the waiting. Sometimes we felt ourselves moving, jolted around, and there were long periods of time when nothing happened. We started to go into hibernation. Day after day, nothing happened! We were bored out of our minds.
Then, one day, we were lifted up and thrown in the air. I felt myself falling down, and involuntarily shrieked. Luckily i was not the only one who shrieked, or i would have made a fool of myself. Another seed hit me on the head and i fainted. Again.
I realised there were heat waves assaulting us from all around. there was no hiding from them this time. A couple of minutes later, i felt like i was going to explode.
There was a scream and a loud Pop. I looked and saw that the white paper that covered us instants ago had expanded, so there was more space now. My little sister seed was the one who had popped. She had turned from a graceful yellow seed into a fluffy white ballon-shaped thing that was really feminine and beautiful. I looked at myself and i realised that i was golden-brown, and quickly advancing to dark brown and black. Then i felt like i was really going to explode.
Then i exploded. It hurt.
But it was worth it! I was beautiful! I had reached my prime! I was a fully grown popcorn!
I was given some time by my Creator to cool down and dissipate the heat that had built up inside me before i popped. The bag was opened. I saw sunlight again, after my many months of imprisonment in the bag. I was picked up by two light-colored fleshy prongs and lifted towards a dark moist hole. A few seconds later, there was a crunch. I think i fainted. AGaiN.
then i was outside a pair of golden gates. They swung open before me, beckoning me to enter. And then i had an offer to write my autobiography, so here i am. Popcorn heaven is really great. There's all a popcorn wants for.
That's all folks, I am going to have a spin on the ferris wheel.
Whee!
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
The day we recieved our results...
River Valley High School auditorium was filled with pupils wearing ankle socks, holding various models of handphones, and some couples could be seen holding hands and whispering conspirationally to each other. Girls gathered around each other talking excitedly, boys were gathered around the girls and shouting at each other. Near the stage, Mrs Look was.. smiling.
'Looook at them, so excited to be back. We'll see if they can be as spirited when they get their results back, uhh..'she grunted to nobody in particular.
A few students from 4A heard her and looked very indignant
With her gaze still fixed on a particularly good looking boy, she tilted her head towards where she supposed the Principal was and said, 'I think we can start now, Miss Ek... Miss ek?...Ek arh, where are you?'
The 4A pupils tittered.
A few meters away, Miss EK waddled out of the teachers' toilet and grunted her assent to Mr Ong, who happened to be drinking from the water cooler because his experiment to create water from thin air failed miserably. Very surprised that the Great and Revered Miss EK would care to speak to him, Mr Ong accidentally acted like a whale in his haste to express his heartfelt compliance. He then apologised profusely, sweating due to his nervousness. Suddenly he froze. How could he have forgotten!
Everyone present and tall enough were very much entertained by the sight of Mr Ong jerking towards the auditorium, his short little legs pedalling for all he was worth, his chubby round body wobbling like a bowl of jelly, arms flailing about, his face red and contorted, mouth puckered up, and finally unleashing a howl so terrible that the flowers nearby wilted...
'Meesus LooK!! Mees Eggk say Go Ahead!!'
The unfortunate spectators near to him had to wipe his spittle off themselves.
Mrs Look was most alarmed to see a soddy maroon ball roaring towards her. With startling speed and gracelessness, she clambered onto the stage. The students saw a flash of pink and roared.
Miss Ek had just managed to free herself from the unrelenting grip of the narrow stairway leading up to the stage when she decided she had enough. She grabbed for the microphone and somehow managed to overbalance. And she shrieked.
Her shriek transversed through the microphone... the amplifier... got rejected by the loudspeaker, got amplified again, rejected, amplified, rejected...till it finally burst through the loudspeaker as a disembodied blaring screech. It succeeded in making all the living things cover their ears, including the grass, flowers, ants... thus causing complete silence in the whole school compound. (The HDB blocks nearby went silent too.)
The silence was broken by birds hitting the ground.
'Looook at them, so excited to be back. We'll see if they can be as spirited when they get their results back, uhh..'she grunted to nobody in particular.
A few students from 4A heard her and looked very indignant
With her gaze still fixed on a particularly good looking boy, she tilted her head towards where she supposed the Principal was and said, 'I think we can start now, Miss Ek... Miss ek?...Ek arh, where are you?'
The 4A pupils tittered.
A few meters away, Miss EK waddled out of the teachers' toilet and grunted her assent to Mr Ong, who happened to be drinking from the water cooler because his experiment to create water from thin air failed miserably. Very surprised that the Great and Revered Miss EK would care to speak to him, Mr Ong accidentally acted like a whale in his haste to express his heartfelt compliance. He then apologised profusely, sweating due to his nervousness. Suddenly he froze. How could he have forgotten!
Everyone present and tall enough were very much entertained by the sight of Mr Ong jerking towards the auditorium, his short little legs pedalling for all he was worth, his chubby round body wobbling like a bowl of jelly, arms flailing about, his face red and contorted, mouth puckered up, and finally unleashing a howl so terrible that the flowers nearby wilted...
The unfortunate spectators near to him had to wipe his spittle off themselves.
Mrs Look was most alarmed to see a soddy maroon ball roaring towards her. With startling speed and gracelessness, she clambered onto the stage. The students saw a flash of pink and roared.
Miss Ek had just managed to free herself from the unrelenting grip of the narrow stairway leading up to the stage when she decided she had enough. She grabbed for the microphone and somehow managed to overbalance. And she shrieked.
Her shriek transversed through the microphone... the amplifier... got rejected by the loudspeaker, got amplified again, rejected, amplified, rejected...till it finally burst through the loudspeaker as a disembodied blaring screech. It succeeded in making all the living things cover their ears, including the grass, flowers, ants... thus causing complete silence in the whole school compound. (The HDB blocks nearby went silent too.)
The silence was broken by birds hitting the ground.